


Without You

by xikra1648



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Action, Best Friends, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Male-Female Friendship, Mild canon divergence, Minor Angst, Oneshot, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 13:49:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9901046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xikra1648/pseuds/xikra1648
Summary: He knew what he was like before they met, he knew what he was like when he thought she might die, he knew what it was like when he thought he lost her.He never wanted to go through that again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be an entirely different and more angsty story but then this one took off with a mind of its own and I couldn't stop. This was actually a lot more fluffy and friendly than I expected.
> 
> [Y/N] -Your Name  
> [Y/F/N] -Your Full Name  
> [N/N] -Nickname  
> [H/C] -Hair Color  
> [E/C] -Eye Color

# Without You

_"[Y/N], whatever you do you must remember your power comes with a great risk.  You must always be careful to never exhaust yourself and never leave your mind open to those around you.  You leave yourself open to control or worse, you will find yourself locked inside your own mind.  Promise me you will never do this, it was hard enough watching your father when he exhausted himself.  I can't bring myself to imagine what it would be like seeing you in that state."_

_"I promise, mommy.  It'll never happen."_

For as long as she lived, [Y/N] remembered the day she met Rin like it had happened only seconds ago.  She had sensed something about the boy, being the daughter of a psychic and a woman from a long line of powerful priestesses it was literally in her blood.  The problem was, after her father was killed by the miasma outbreak that almost killed Bon’s mother while she was still pregnant with him and the death of her mother during an exorcism, there was nobody left to teach her how to use her abilities.  She didn’t know what she was sensing, why she was sensing it, what it meant.  The only thing she _could_ do was what her mother managed to cram into her head until she was 10, and it was entirely ancient techniques passed down through the family. 

The only thing she could do to truly master her abilities was attend the True Cross Academy cram school, train as an Aria, and hope she would figure out by pure immersion.  Still, even after she had at least figured out what it meant to sense a powerful demon, she never sensed that lightning strike from her skull down her spine, or the even the slight nausea she felt around any demon.  She just felt comforting warmth just _radiating_ from him; it reminded her of curling up under a blanket with a hot cup of tea on a snowy day.  That was what drew her to him, like a moth to a flame.

It wasn’t easy being Rin’s best friend, especially when he seemed to be in a constant battle with [Y/N]’s childhood friend Bon.  She tried playing the peacekeeper between the two but after a few while she just gave up.  She figured if they were going to kill each other, let the idiots kill each other.  She had enough problems just being friends with the both of them and getting Rin to study…and then of course there was the whole _getting kidnapped_ thing.

Then again, as far as [Y/N] could tell it was best she was the one kidnapped and not Shiemi.  She and Rin were just good friends, that was all they’d ever be.  It was pretty obvious by the way he fawned over Shiemi, hell both the Okumura boys did.  [Y/N] couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy at the way the boys fell all over themselves when it came to the blonde, but she couldn’t blame them either.  Shiemi was sweet, caring, and as innocent as a teenager could get.  She was pretty, her blonde hair was always perfect with very little effort, and she was so pretty without makeup. 

Compared to Shiemi, [Y/N] didn’t feel like she stood a chance.  She struggled with her hair every damn morning and had to put on eyeliner and mascara just so she’d look presentable, and not the swamp witch she really was.  Then there was her personality.  She was strong willed, loud about her opinions, she cursed so often she had to actively remind herself not to curse when she had to behave, she was prone to violent outbursts that would send the guys diving for cover, her self-esteem was in the pits on a good day, she had anxiety attacks that would floor Satan himself, and she was so uniquely introverted that while she could be comfortable around her friends or complete strangers she could never tell who was sending her what signals or why.

It was supposed to be a simple exercise.  They just went camping as a class, split up, and brought one of the giant lanterns back to camp.  It was going so well, they were working as a team to get their lantern back.  They even managed to deal with the bug demons and the giant moth, despite Shima’s paralyzing fear of bugs, and it looked like Bon and Rin were actually starting to get along.  It was a good day, even if [Y/N] was exhausted from keeping that lantern under her strict control, keeping the psychic link between her and the demon lantern open to predict its movements, keeping a psychic link wide open to sense anyone else and predict future attacks, and focusing on the chant to keep the lantern paralyzed.  When they got back to camp she was shaky, hungry, and tired.  She had never done something that… _intense_ before, she hoped that experience would build up her stamina.

Amaimon attacked the camp, or tried to, and the second he did [Y/N]’s knees buckled and Shiemi barely caught her in time.

_Dammit [Y/N] get a grip!  You have to get used to this sort of thing!  You have to fight it!_

_**I** f you were going to fight it, you should have put up a mental barrier.  I thought all psychics knew that._

_Who the fuck are you?  How in the hell are you in my-_

_**You left your mind wide open.  Originally I was going to pick off one of the weaker members, but when I noticed you left yourself completely vulnerable I couldn’t resist.  You really should have had more training before you did something like this, now you have nothing to protect yourself.  Even normal humans have more protection than you do.** _

“[Y/N]!  [Y/N] come back!” Shiemi called after her friend as she walked out of the safety of the camp and into the woods.  Shiemi had briefly noticed the blank stare in [Y/N]’s [E/C] eyes, but attributed it to simple exhaustion.  She had said many times she was going to sleep like the dead when they got back to camp, and joked that someone would have to carry her when they left.

[N/N]!” Bon called after her as he tried to catch up.  Rin sprinted past him, calling out to the psychic priestess before Shura cut him off with her blade as [Y/N] walked right into Amaimon’s arms.  She was entirely unconscious to the world, trapped in her own head with only her sixth sense to tell her what was happening around her.  [Y/N]’s mother had warned her of such a thing, told her of the dangers that came with such power and the many sticky situations her father had gotten himself into because he was careless and stretched himself too thin.  She never actually thought it would happen, but here she was, trapped in her own mind because she stretched herself too thin and with her rotten luck it was inevitable that someone who could take advantage of her current state was nearby.

She just wanted to prove something to herself, that she would be okay.  That she might just be an Aria, but even they have power.  Just because she didn’t have a weapon didn’t mean she was useless.  It just meant she had different skills.

“What did you do to that girl?” Shura demanded.

“I didn’t do anything, she overexerted herself.  Every psychic knows they will become trapped in their own heads and susceptible to suggestion if they exhaust themselves.  I just told her what to do, and she did it,” Amaimon replied, easily lifting the girl onto his shoulder and taking off with a leap.

“Get back here conehead!” Rin practically snarled as he took off in a chase.  Shura didn’t even bother stopping him; she just made sure he had his sword before giving him a simple order.

“Go get him!”

_Let me go!  I said let me go you piece of shit!_

[Y/N] screamed in the dark recesses of her mind, trying to break free.  She couldn’t see the box caging her inside, but she _felt_ it.  It was suffocating and she felt like she was going insane.  If only she could see what was going on outside.  She felt sick to her stomach and the lightning strike that shot down her spine every time she was near a particularly strong demon didn’t dissipate, in fact it overtook her entire body and the pain itself was blinding.  She was losing her mind and all she could do was scream and cry, hoping to break free, but no matter how hard she fought, it did nothing.  Then she felt it.  It was faint, but growing stronger.  That familiar warmth she always felt when Rin was nearby.  She was broken and desperate, and she did something she had never done since her mother died.

She tried reaching out for help.

_Rin!  Rin help!  Please!_

To hell with what Kirigakure said.  Bon wasn’t about to let Rin run off like he had to do everything himself, especially when [Y/N]’s life was on the line.  There was no goddamn way in hell he was going to just sit back and watch like some dope.  Not this time, and Shima and Konekomaru followed reluctantly, they weren’t keen on dying, especially after they saw the kind of destruction Amaimon could cause.  They knew Rin had survived the blast somehow, though they weren’t aware of the fact that he was actually thrown across the damn forest at the time.  They just figured he knew how to duck.

“I thought this girl was supposed to be important to you,” Amaimon taunted Rin by questioning him, “Why don’t you go for the kill?”

“Go to hell,” Rin grunted, struggling to get back up after being thrown across the forest.  He could taste the blood in his mouth after coughing it up.  The injury was mostly healed already, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a bitch.

“Well, I suppose I have no more use for her then.  Still, since I have her I might as well take one of her eyeballs.  A cousin of mine has a penchant for the occult and he collects eyeballs.  He’ll love hers, they’re so pretty,” Amaimon continued to taunt the son of Satan, treading on ground so dangerous even _Rin_ didn’t know just how dangerous it was.

_It’s alright…Rin is here…Rin is…why…what’s going on…Rin!_

As [Y/N] slowly talked herself through her anxiety attack, something she had grown used to doing, she suddenly felt hot.  She felt dangerously hot.  It was like when she reached too close into the fire at the temple, but instead of backing away she felt like she was just diving into it.  It hurt.  It hurt.  It _hurt_.

[Y/N] screamed as she woke up, Bon holding her close in his arms as he carried her away from the fight.  When she opened her eyes the first thing she saw were the colossal blasts of blue flames, and she knew exactly what that meant.  _Satan._

“[Y/N], are you alright?” Shiemi asked, worried about her friend.  She had been through so much in such a short amount of time...

“What’s happening?  Where’s Rin?” she asked, shakily pushing herself out of Bon’s arms and standing on her own.

“That’s him…that’s Okumura,” Bon answered.  If he beat around the bush [Y/N] would only become more agitated so he had to give it to her straight.  She looked back at her childhood friend in shock, searching for _something_ that would tell her he was just kidding, but she saw nothing.  All she could do was look back at the blue flames before Bon dragged her away from the fight.

 

It wasn’t the potential death sentence hanging over his head, the fact that Shura followed him around everywhere, or even that damn ring clamped on his tail that Shura could use to knock him unconscious with some damn chant that shook Rin to his very core.  It was the way everyone looked at him.  Konekomaru was terrified of him, Bon just glared at him constantly, Shima just actively avoided Rin and the subject of Rin’s blue flames altogether, Shiemi was just as nervous around Rin as Konekomaru, and [Y/N] had been out sick for days and stopped texting Rin completely when they used to text each other all the time.  The only person who wasn’t affected was Izumo, who had already met multiple half demons in her lifetime.

It didn’t matter how many times Yukio kept reassuring Rin that [Y/N] was simply recovering or that the others would just need some time, it was still killing Rin inside.  Yukio knew it too.  It was nagging at the back of Rin’s mind as he kept trying to gain control of his blue flames, making it that much harder to gain control.  He didn’t give up; he just kept burning his way through candle after candle and exhausting Shura’s patience.  As long as he kept obsessing over [Y/N]’s absence he would never make any progress.  She’d even tried to tell him as much and it looked like it clicked into place, but the next day he was staring at his phone, waiting for a text from the [H/C] girl with the [E/C] eyes he’d that made his stomach flip. 

Shura had taken to leaving the boy on the roof by himself as he practiced with his flames; he’d be up there whether she dragged him there or not.  He was determined, she’d give him that. 

Rin was beginning to get fed up and let out an angry huff and an inadvertent wave of blue flames which were followed by a shocked yelp.

Hang on…he didn’t yelp so…

“Holy fuck…” [Y/N] took a few deep breaths as she calmed down, “You need to come with a damn warning label.”

She didn’t feel the same burn she did when Rin lost control, just the familiar warmth that made her feel so comfortable around him in the first place.  She missed that warmth, she missed him.

“Oh shit!” Rin snapped to attention, “[Y/N], are you alright?”

“Yeah…just a stroke…I’m cool…” [Y/N] attempted to shrug it off, but Rin still hovered over her, “Yukio said you’ve been having issues with getting control.”

“Yeah,” Rin sat back down with a huff, leaning his elbows on his knees, “I’m supposed to be lighting the two candles on the end but I keep burning them all down.”

“You’ll get it.  It’ll require some self-control, which is something I don’t think you’ve _ever_ had, but you’ll get it,” [Y/N] sat down, not caring if any dirt got on her denim cut off shorts or black leggings as she sat down.  She leaned back on her hands, unintentionally showing off the band t-shirt she was wearing and crossed her legs.

“You really think so?” Rin perked up, and [Y/N] couldn’t help but smile at the way his ears perked up when his mood changed and the little twitch of his tail.  It was adorable, and the crush she had on her best friend only made it cuter.

“Yeah, I mean you managed to knock Amaimon around without hurting me, right?  And you seemed pretty tame after Amaimon attacked the Vatican,” [Y/N] replied, remembering the way the half-demon fell to his knees and planted his face into her stomach before wrapping his arms around her waist.  He held on so tight that as he slipped back into unconsciousness he pulled [Y/N] down onto her knees and wouldn’t let go of her.

“You think you could help me?  I mean you figured out your powers…”

“Yeah, we could give that a shot.”

Rin’s mood changed drastically, and suddenly he was excited to continue his efforts.  He really had no idea where he would be if he hadn’t met [Y/N].  He remembered it so clearly, the way she sat at the desk with her legs crossed and her chin resting in her hand as she read.  He never knew what it was that made her look up at him, she tried to explain it to him but the feeling she got when she sensed him was beyond words.  Whatever it was, he was more than grateful for it, but it would take years for him to actually tell her.

When he did it was during their graduation to becoming full-fledged exorcists.  He pulled her aside where they could talk, alone.

_"[Y/F/N]...I still remember when I stopped hiding what I am…I was kicking myself for days just because you were skipping class and you never called…I was losing my mind-“_

_“What little mind you had left anyway.”_

_“I’m trying to tell you something!”_

_"Sorry, sorry.  I’ll keep the sarcasm to a minimum, but I’ll have you know that it will cause me physical pain.”_

_"Look, I lost my mind when I thought I lost you.  I can’t…I never wanna lose you, I can never be without you again…”_

_"I’ll do everything I can to make sure you never have to be.  I promise.”_


End file.
